Today’s guest post comes from debut YA author Stacey Lee. She’s talking about the importance of friendship books and why girls need these stories, be they about girl-to-girl friendships or not.
Stacey Lee is a fourth generation Chinese-American whose people came to California during the heydays of the cowboys. She believes she still has a bit of cowboy dust in her soul. A native of southern California, she graduated from UCLA then got her law degree at UC Davis King Hall. After practicing law in the Silicon Valley for several years, she finally took up the pen because she wanted the perks of being able to nap during the day, and it was easier than moving to Spain. She plays classical piano, wrangles children, and writes YA fiction.
UNDER A PAINTED SKY is her debut book.
Tastes change. At two years old, my daughter couldn’t get enough of Everyone Poops, but by age three, she had discarded that one for The Holes In Your Nose. After sticking her fingers up her nose got old, she moved to If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (which might explain her insatiable need for cookies), and so on and so forth.
Somewhere along the way, she’s become a tween, and now she can’t get enough of friendship stories. But even as she evolves into wanting the more ‘lovey dovey’ books, I hope the friendship story is one she will never outgrow.
So why are friendship books so important?
First, let’s look at why friendships are so important. Studies show that the strongest predictor of having a fulfilling life is to build healthy relationships with others, especially for women. One landmark study showed that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause them to befriend other women. Up until then, it was thought that stress provoked a fight or flight response, but that was due to the test subjects historically consisting of men. This ‘befriending’ response buffers stress for women in a way that doesn’t occur in men. Another study found that the more friends women have, the less likely they are to develop physical impairments as they age. Friendships are as essential to women as a good diet and exercise.
1. Friendship stories encourage us to seek out good friendships.
Books that show healthy friendships encourage us to foster these relationships in our lives. How many of us wanted an amazing spider for a best friend after reading Charlotte’s Web? Someone who would save our hides from becoming bacon when the world turned against us? E.B. White created such relatable emotions in her two unlikely characters of Wilbur the pig and Charlotte the spider, it’s not surprising this book is the best selling paperback of all time. The ending still chokes me up.
Another classic series, the Betsy-Tacy-Tib books by Maud Hart Lovelace, centers around three best friends who are constantly getting into trouble for things like throwing mud at each other, and cutting off each other’s hair. When I read them, I longed for a friend I could throw mud at. (Instead, I had sisters, who were almost as fun.) To this day, I still seek out the kind of people I can be silly with, because of those girls.
2. Friendship stories help us to be good friends.
My daughter loves the Gallagher Girl series by Ally Carter, about an elite spy school for teen girls. When I asked her what she likes most about the books, it wasn’t the gadgets or the girls’ crazy adventures. Instead, she loves how the girls rely on each other in tough situations, whatever that involves – boys, parents, ancient international terrorist organizations. I felt a moment of pride when she told me, “When I read (these books), they help me be a good friend.”
Returning to Charlotte’s Web, while I wanted a spider for a best friend, more often I imagined that I could be that selfless spider someday. Books help us imagine ourselves at our best, and if we can imagine it, we can achieve it.
3. Books that show unhealthy friendship help us understand others and ourselves.
Alexis Bass’ brilliant novel Love and Other Theories is about a group of girl ‘players’ who follow certain rules to avoid heartbreak. These girls are cruel and catty, and the indignation expressed by Goodreads reviews is a testament to how well the author captured these characters. But the book shows us how easy it is to get caught up in toxic relationships, and the harm that can result. It encourages us to emerge from such relationships, stronger and wiser, and may even help us understand these flawed characters in a redemptive way.
In one of my favorite books, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie, Junior’s best friend Rowdy rejects him when Junior switches to an all-white school. But even while Rowdy is beating up on Junior, Alexie somehow makes us care about both of them, showing us the power of best friends to hurt and to heal.
4. Books about friendship give us hope.
One of my favorite adult friendship titles is Waiting to Exhale, by Terry McMillan, about the lives of African American women living in Arizona. Each have their own stories –a woman tries to find Mr. Right, a divorcée rebuilds her life, a mother deals with an empty nest, and a serial dater questions whether she needs a man. What carries these women through their own personal heartbreaks is their friendship with one another.
In writing my debut, UNDER A PAINTED SKY, I wanted to show how essential friendship is to our survival. Samantha, a Chinese violinist, and Annamae, a runaway slave make a perilous escape out of Missouri in 1849. Each has separate missions that will require them to eventually split up, but their unlikely friendship might be the only thing that can save them.
Friendship books assure us that in the midst of life’s worst struggles, as long as we have friends, we can prevail. As the famous Calvin and Hobbes cartoonist Bill Watterson put it, “Things are never quite as scary as when you have a best friend.” I couldn’t agree more.
Friendship books in YA I recommend:
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, Sherman Alexie
Love and Other Theories, Alexis Bass
Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta
The Orphan Queen, Jodi Meadows
When Reason Breaks, Cindy Rodriguez
We All Looked Up, Tommy Wallach
I Am the Messenger, Markus Zusak
Friendship books in my TBR pile:
Tiny Pretty Things, Sona Charaipotra & Dhonielle Clayton
Mexican White Boy, Matt De La Peña
Becoming Jinn, Lori Goldstein
The Distance Between Lost and Found, Kathryn Holmes
Lucy the Giant, Sherri L. Smith
***
Under a Painted Sky is available now.
You can find more about Stacey in these places:
www.staceyhlee.com
@staceyleeauthor [Twitter]
https://www.facebook.com/staceylee.author
https://www.pinterest.com/staceyleeauthor/
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/staceyleeauthor
I ADORE this post. I want to read it a dozen times. I want everyone to read it. I love friendship books/stories, especially female friendships, and my mouth was hanging open reading the paragraph about studies on friendships between women–so fascinating, and I'd never heard any of it before. Thanks for this lovely, important piece! I've added lots of books to my TBR pile (and Jellicoe Road is a super fave of mine, too!).
Yeah, this is such a great topic. 🙂 I wish friend relationships were given as much attention as romantic relationships — even in some of my favorite books, I've wanted to see less canoodling and more buddy time. Under a Painted Sky is a lovely example of a "friendship" book. Great book list there at the end, too!
What great recommendations and a great post. Many bloggers I follow are over the moon about The Start of Me and You by Emery Lord precisely because of the great friendship thread (which made me realize how that is often absent in many YA titles).
This is the message of Harry Potter I draw above all others: Friendship is the most important thing. And seeing it in all its iterations in YA is so important, not just for young adults but also for adults – we learn so many cues about "what friendship means" when we're young but it's an evolving concept that continues to push us in learning about ourselves and how to behave and love.
Brava.
Yes to all of this. Love it.