I was flipping through a review copy of The Novice by Taran Matharu and a particular name jumped out at me: Briss. This is the not the name of the main character, but my initial reaction nonetheless was “That’s unfortunate.” It’s not a great pick. If I were the editor of this particular book (and in my dreams, I edit all the books so no one I love ever dies), I would have put a red X through that name straightaway.
Fantasy and science fiction novels get a lot of flack for ridiculous names, sometimes earned. Briss probably isn’t the worst name ever, but in its honor, I thought it would be fun to list a few other terribly unfortunate names readers have suffered through. What names would you add?
1. Po from Graceling by Kristin Cashore. Po chooses to go by Po because he thinks it’s better than his given name, Greening. It’s not.
2. Bitterblue from Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore. I guess her father hated her. (See what I did there?) Sorry for picking on you, Kristin.
3. Albus Severus Potter from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling. Yes, it’s a name with meaning, and yes, the Harry Potter series is full of some interesting name choices, but this one is doubly unfortunate because it’s a poor child who is saddled with it.
4. Tookie de la Creme from Modelland by Tyra Banks. Kelly and I are still eagerly awaiting the sequel.
5. Peeta from The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It’s a little too on the nose that he’s a baker and his name is Peeta. Incidentally, I now only refer to him as Peeta Bread. And now I want a sandwich.
6. Benedict Cumberbatch from The Hobbit. Technically middle grade, not YA, but I’m including it because I am a rebel. (That’s the name of a real person, you say? Well, that’s unfortunate.)
No Renesme Carlie Cullen? That one still makes me cringe.
I haven't read that book, so I was hesitant to include it. I actually don't think it's that terrible, it's kind of similar to some names I've seen in the real world. Take that as you will!
I suppose it's not so much the name itself as the way the name was created, by smooshing the names of everyone's parents. There are plenty of people who name their kids after their parents or other relatives, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone in the real world who cut their parents' names in half and joined them together to name their baby. It's incredibly twee.
Po is a bad one, especially since it is by choice. But I have to agree with A Library Girl.
Tookie de la Creme is forever my favorite bad name.
Albus Severus Potter still makes me angry. One guy saying "Always" does not make up for years of being an abusive jerk. And even if Dumbledore was a good guy, Albus? Not a great name.
Thank you! Even if you choose to interpret Snape's obsession as love, it still doesn't excuse the years of abuse he inflicted on Gryffindor kids. I don't buy the "he's really a good guy, Dumbledore says" argument because Dumbledore himself is pretty sketchy as well.
America Singer is one of my favorite bad names. Also Hallelujah from The Distance Between Lost and Found. Ever from Evermore.
Unpopular opinion: I actually really like the name Tookie de la Crème. I also love Millipop Klompet and Ernest Perriclof and all the other weirdo names out there. (Though I haven't actually read the books those names came from.)
Haha! The thing that got me most about Po in Graceling was that I had recently watched Kung Fu Panda, so every time the name Po was mentioned I pictured a big, lovable panda bear. It was jarring.