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Earlier this week, I posted my review of Swati Avasthi’s Chasing Shadows and today she’s here with a really fantastic post about friendship in adolescence and in YA lit.
In YA there’s an illusion – that
the relationships formed in the books we read are endless. That high
school romances and friendships survive the transition to college, to
the working world, to whatever paths the characters take after high
school is over.
the relationships formed in the books we read are endless. That high
school romances and friendships survive the transition to college, to
the working world, to whatever paths the characters take after high
school is over.
I am a self-proclaimed, unabashed geek.
I love sentence structure, can get passionate about the
ill-semi-colon and swear that CMS is the One Format to Rule them All.
In high school, I wouldn’t have claimed my identity so fearlessly
– I didn’t know who I was; I was a bit of a floater (I lettered 5
times and was the editor of the literary magazine – I couldn’t be
placed neatly into a box). But I never skipped classes, rarely
turned in late work, put my hand up and participated – the works.
I love sentence structure, can get passionate about the
ill-semi-colon and swear that CMS is the One Format to Rule them All.
In high school, I wouldn’t have claimed my identity so fearlessly
– I didn’t know who I was; I was a bit of a floater (I lettered 5
times and was the editor of the literary magazine – I couldn’t be
placed neatly into a box). But I never skipped classes, rarely
turned in late work, put my hand up and participated – the works.
One day, during a free period, a friend
broke down and told me that she’d been raped. As she was crying I
skipped my next class – a suspendable offense in my school — and
we talked all through it until she felt better for that day. When I
ran into the teacher whose class I’d skipped, I made no excuses. I
was unapologetic, remorseless but honest – a friend needed my help
and yes, I’d do it again if I needed to. He wanted details. But I
wouldn’t cave because I knew one thing about myself: I was a good
friend.
broke down and told me that she’d been raped. As she was crying I
skipped my next class – a suspendable offense in my school — and
we talked all through it until she felt better for that day. When I
ran into the teacher whose class I’d skipped, I made no excuses. I
was unapologetic, remorseless but honest – a friend needed my help
and yes, I’d do it again if I needed to. He wanted details. But I
wouldn’t cave because I knew one thing about myself: I was a good
friend.
In a time of life when I had no idea
who I was as a person, who I wanted to be growing up, and who I was
as a girlfriend, I knew that one truth. I came of age as a friend.
More than boyfriends, more than atheletics, more than even writing,
the thing I was sure of was my friendships.
who I was as a person, who I wanted to be growing up, and who I was
as a girlfriend, I knew that one truth. I came of age as a friend.
More than boyfriends, more than atheletics, more than even writing,
the thing I was sure of was my friendships.
Friendship stories (as compared to
romances) are underdone in YA. I don’t feel like I need a whole lot
of evidence to prove that – there’s a whole section for
paranormal romance in Barnes and Noble and nothing equivalent for
friendships. And often when friendships are portrayed in YA, they
are portrayed like I had thought of them as a teen – endless,
important, fixed. I was loyal to a fault.
romances) are underdone in YA. I don’t feel like I need a whole lot
of evidence to prove that – there’s a whole section for
paranormal romance in Barnes and Noble and nothing equivalent for
friendships. And often when friendships are portrayed in YA, they
are portrayed like I had thought of them as a teen – endless,
important, fixed. I was loyal to a fault.
But friendships are much more
complicated than that, especially when you are young, especially when
you are in transition, which most teens are. Only one of my friends
from high school (and not the one I skipped class for) is still my
friend. College changes everything. It changes who you are and
sometimes, your friends change too and sometimes they don’t.
Sometimes, they get left behind.
complicated than that, especially when you are young, especially when
you are in transition, which most teens are. Only one of my friends
from high school (and not the one I skipped class for) is still my
friend. College changes everything. It changes who you are and
sometimes, your friends change too and sometimes they don’t.
Sometimes, they get left behind.
CHASING SHADOWS, my second novel, is
about three friends who are inseparable. Fast, strong, freerunners,
Corey, Holly and Savitri are one unit. When Corey is shot and
killed, Holly and Savitri have to remake themselves in the shadow of
a gunman, and in so doing, their friendship starts to fracture.
Holly wants to go after the killer and Savitri, who had wanted to go
away for college, no longer knows how to save Holly as she comes
unglued. How far do you go for your friends? At what point is being
a good friend about walking away?
about three friends who are inseparable. Fast, strong, freerunners,
Corey, Holly and Savitri are one unit. When Corey is shot and
killed, Holly and Savitri have to remake themselves in the shadow of
a gunman, and in so doing, their friendship starts to fracture.
Holly wants to go after the killer and Savitri, who had wanted to go
away for college, no longer knows how to save Holly as she comes
unglued. How far do you go for your friends? At what point is being
a good friend about walking away?
It is a novel about how, when we change
because of something we can lose the people we are and the friends we
have.
because of something we can lose the people we are and the friends we
have.
My best friend from high school is
still a very close friend of mine. But it didn’t happen easily.
And there were times when I thought our friendship wouldn’t make
the transitions it needed to as we went to college, got married, and
had our own children. To keep a friendship, we have to let go of
some of it – to let it change as we do, to let it evolve, and wax
and wane sometimes.
still a very close friend of mine. But it didn’t happen easily.
And there were times when I thought our friendship wouldn’t make
the transitions it needed to as we went to college, got married, and
had our own children. To keep a friendship, we have to let go of
some of it – to let it change as we do, to let it evolve, and wax
and wane sometimes.
Jane Resh Thomas says that lying to
children is a sin. My job is to tell the truth as I understand it
and the truth for me about friendships is that sometimes they don’t
survive. And when they do, it is through letting them grow and
change. It is not without struggles in which we define who we are as
friends: what actions and beliefs we value most in ourselves and
others. It’s not without conflict and drama, because this is about
coming of age and self discovery, which can have casualties. In
other words, it is the stuff of fiction. History is written by the
victors; fiction is written by those who struggle.
children is a sin. My job is to tell the truth as I understand it
and the truth for me about friendships is that sometimes they don’t
survive. And when they do, it is through letting them grow and
change. It is not without struggles in which we define who we are as
friends: what actions and beliefs we value most in ourselves and
others. It’s not without conflict and drama, because this is about
coming of age and self discovery, which can have casualties. In
other words, it is the stuff of fiction. History is written by the
victors; fiction is written by those who struggle.
***
Swati Avasthi is the author of two YA novels: CHASING SHADOWS which is a Junior library guild selection, and received starred reviews from Publisher’s Weekly and Kirkus, and SPLIT which received the International Reading Association Award, Cybils Award, a silver Parent’s Choice award and made numerous “best of lists” including YALSA, CCBC and Bank Street.
Swati got her MFA from University of Minnesota and teaches at Hamline University and lives in Minneapolis with her two dogs, two kids and one husband, though he is worth two.
Great guest blog – I definitely agree that friendships are underrepresented. I'm always excited when a book focuses on one.
Thanks. It was great to be able to write about friends.
I love this post! Friendship stories are incredibly important. They also tend to be more relatable- not everybody has a great high school romance, but nearly everyone has a high school best friend.
As an adolescent, I remember reading about fictional teens who went through transformative adventures…time passed in the last chapter…and they were suddenly married adults who still lived near each other, with children who also grew up together. What a crock, I thought. My adolescence was partially about coming to grips with the transitory nature of relationships. Going to college meant picking up and relocating, starting over completely in a new physical space.
I only keep up with one very precious friend from high school. The rest have passed into memory, still valuable, but not precious. College was another transitory period. I keep up with no one from those years. Then I settled someplace and began to cultivate adult relationships. But that one friendship persisted.
Our relationship has always been different, though. It has weathered bad boyfriends, change, distance, freak-outs, and all sorts of the things that can drive two people apart, no matter how strong their friendship was at one point. Frankly, there have been times I marveled she put up with my selfishness. But there is a foundational reason behind it that keeps me in contact: I know that I am better, my life is richer, for knowing her, for talking to her, for listening.
She is not the teenager I first knew. She is not the college student I wrote actual, physical letters to. She is not the young bride or the new mom or the struggling professional. She *was* all those people. I was, too. We are our history, a composite image of our past and our present, our experience and our potential.
And now, we are who we are now. And she is, at the root of the whole rant, who she has always been: a deeply interesting and dynamic individual, compassionate and generous. And knowing her encourages those traits in me, too.
I don't know how you mainstream that kind of idea, how you socialize the importance of those precious relationships or how you describe them in narrative. Maybe I just did, but there is a measure of "they have to see it for themselves" that can be described by an author but not fully appreciated by a reader. People have to find it within themselves to understand that they had it all along. Thanks for reminding me.